Friday, 17 July 2009
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Modern Women... modern expectations... modern goals
This is probably going to be one of the least feminist blogs I've written so far. I know, I know, the title says something else but it's only because I am a woman and I see things from a woman's point of view. It's going to be more about a personal experience.
A few months ago I moved to this place in which, of course, I currently reside. This place is somehow out of the ordinary. In here, nine out of ten people are married and with children before finishing their careers. They have a beautiful family. Women dedicate their lives to maintaining a lean body at the gym. Then picking their kids up from school and ordering a takeout for dinner. Three or more times a week they spend time with their girlfriends. And the rest is divided into nail and hair salons, golf clubs, tanning salons and husbands. Men spend the majority of their time working their butts off to keep their family status. They barely have time to play with their children. And in their free times they prefer to drink with their buddies at some bar or club. Those of higher status dress up pretty to play golf, tennis or some other popular sport. It might sound familiar to some and it is indeed absolutely pleasant. But somehow I cannot quite adapt myself to this lifestyle. Young girls like me party all night and in the mornings do what their moms do. More than 50% of them drink until they lose consciousness or take some drug to go crazy. This is what we call light lifestyle.
I have been tempted to form part of it many times. I have been yelled at for not breaking my personal rules many times as well. They call themselves modern. And I just wonder if this is the true meaning of modern people. In my opinion modern means new in a productive way. They live their cute lives being selfish and waiting for mom and dad to pay their bills and debts. And then after being forced to attend University, the majority of them find their match, get married and have children even before fulfilling their professional goals.
I might be wrong and they might be right or vice versa. Who knows? The only thing is that modern has a totally different meaning to me.
I live with my family and I pay my own bills. I earn enough money to pay my bills, my credit card debts and save some money for University. Most of the time I read a book, write some poetry, write pieces of novels, listen to music, meditate on my decisions, watch tv with my mother, spend some time with my family and every once in a while share a nice talk or hang out with the people I know. I have never been to a nail salon. Hair salons are a waste of money when I can do it myself so much better for less. Golf clubs and night clubs are not my specialty but I enjoy them when I really don't have anything else to do. Tanning beds are also a huge waste of money. I like pc video games but I am not addicted to them. I have three pets and I keep them well. The rest it's just some free time to stop and breathe. To stop and fall in love. To stop and keep focus on my priorities.
I don't consume any kind of drugs and drink only when I am in the mood to do so and when I am around trustworthy people. It might sound boring but believe me that when it's time to have fun, I close the book and go crazy like there is no tomorrow without hallucinogens or alcohol. I believe that there is a time and a place for everything. And for a person to find peace there has to be a balance. This is one of my rules. Finding balance in my life.
So my question is, has anyone ever wonder if you are missing a step? People jump from being a crazy bachelorette to a devoted husband or wife. Aren't they missing the finding yourself part? Maybe I am the one who is going insane.What missing step?
Well, to me in order to love someone I have to love myself first. In order for me to be a mother I have to learn how to be a daughter first. And in order for me to accept and respect others, I need to accept and respect myself first. How in the world can you give something you don't even have? Isn't it true the phrase which says "if you want to make the world a better place, then make yourself a better person first" ?
In my very personal point of view, specifically women should be modern in the way they stand independent and strong. We shouldn't depend on anybody. Should possess modern expectations by always giving their best and their hardest. We should push ourselves to do more and better every time in everything we do. And of course we should have modern goals that travel beyond hunting guys, raising kids, and persuading their parents to get the most expensive car out there just to show it off.
Am I asking too much? Maybe I am. Some of my friends tell me if I have some kind of mental disorder. I actually have a very rare one in which I ask myself a lot of existentialist questions.
This is what I call modern: new, outstanding, beyond limits, unexpected, mysterious, deep, sensitive, beautiful in every single way, caring, loving, sincere...modern is not the clothes, the hair, or the makeup. Modern is what hides beneath that and honestly is the only thing which won't get wrinkles or gray hair.
PS. Luckily, I might move soon. I am afraid this modernism that surrounds me might be contagious!!! Joking! ;)
From the bottom of my heart, Vera.
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