There's only one thing for certain: I love to feel this way!
I wish I could say his name but I can't so I will call him CB. He works with me, yes that means I am his boss. I know is not quite professional to like an employee but he really is cute. There's something about him and his gorgeous blue eyes that just rock my world. I feel like if I had superpowers. This is how everything started.
He started to look at me weird and maybe a little bit too much during the training period. In that moment I was still thinking about the other unknown love-hate guy, remember? He stared at me in a funny way all the time and when we made eye contact he would turn red and smile. At first I thought it was creepy, but then after two months I find it mesmerizing. Mesmerizing in a way that would make anyone melt down when he smiles. Then I met his whole family: mom, dad, sister, and even grandmother who turned out to speak perfect Spanish. Btw, I looovvveee his grandmother. She seems to be a very interesting and loving person. I liked her. Anyways, his family goes to eat where I work too often. Probably two times a week or more. Weird, I know. He also eats there on his lunch breaks when he works at the pool as a lifeguard. Too often also. Creepy. A couple of weeks ago he told me he was going on vacation to Malaga, a beautiful beach in Spain. Yeah, Spain, Europe. I've never been to Malaga but I heard it has an astonishing view. Plus, women from Malaga tend to have this huge and black eyes, which I don't have. Sorry about the fact. Going back to his vacation. He asked me to go with him. To Malaga with his family and him. Can you imagine me walking with this manly human sculpture on the beach? Yeeehaaa!
As you can guess I had to say no for three reasons:
1. He is a perfect stranger who I've known for barely two months.
2. I am totally broke and my dad is soooo jealous he wouldn't accept to afford it.
3. My dad, of course brilliant, had the amazing idea of coming from Spain to see his daughter (it would be funny if he comes to America to visit me while I travel to Spain with CB)
Besides all the oh, so good physical traits he possesses, what matters is what he makes me feel. I feel clean and pure. I feel simple and innocent. I feel like I could take my time with him, there's no rush. I am letting him see who I really am, slowly waiting for him to digest my personality. I am enjoying every single moment like I never did before. There's no envy or prejudice or arrogance. I can't be arrogant or egocentric with him. My wild instinct of survival inside of this world full of male chauvinists is fading away. I am believing again. And that's what terrorizes me the most. I shouldn't believe in anyone. I shouldn't trust anyone. But he just makes me realize what I have been missing for not taking risks. I am afraid to take a chance with him. My mother told me that I should do it but without expecting too much from him. She said we are only humans and when we are in love we pretend to be the ideal but as we fall out of love then we lose that magic. I think I should enjoy the in-love period with him before reality hits, huh?
We only talk about random stuff. When he asks me something personal, I tell him carefully thinking about my words before I let them out. You see, he looks and talks like a player but then I don't think I should let appearances fool me. He is a very hard working guy. He has two jobs and a lovely family who seems to be truly proud of him. He has his faults but probably nothing to worry about. I hope so. You see why I am afraid? I tend to trust people too much. And I end up with my heart in little pieces. My hispanic blood is extremely passionate. In every single way. The harmful side of being passionate hurts so much. Tell me about it.
There's a song that every time I listen to it I am able to picture him in my head. Really, when I see him this close to me I just want to pull him towards me and kiss him so badly. I want him to embrace me between his strong and tanned arms. And squeezed this fantastic illusion out of me. These feelings belong to him. Here CB, they are all yours!
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